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Giving Birth to the New You
As women, I often wonder how many of us, when pregnant, give anything but a passing thought to the person we’re going to become once our baby is born.
Preparing to become a mother for the first time is possibly the most daunting, exciting and perturbing phase of our lives. We spend the best part of nine months, full of expectation (literally), making a loving space for a tiny precious life to move into, a life that we know will fill our thoughts and our time. A life that will change us irrevocably.
During a recent lunch with a very dear friend who (luckily for me) is also a close business associate, she commented “when you enter the labour ward, one person goes in, and three people come out; the baby, a new mother and the new you.” Now, the new baby is someone we’ve been waiting patiently for, the new mother is a role we’ve been looking forward to, but the new “you” is not something we give much consideration to. I then realised that we spend most of our pregnancy grabbing a nap, elevating our swelling ankles and equipping the nursery. There isn’t much time (although it can feel there is too much time towards the end) for starting to rethink and redefine who we will become once our bundle of joy arrives.
The term “I’m expecting” is full of suggestion; “I’m expecting a new child, a very real responsibility, a full and busy schedule, less sleep, fulfilment in being a mother”. Few of us, however, are “expecting” to have to reconsider who we will become and how we will retain our sense of identity without disappearing under a pile of dirty baby-gro’s.
In reality, it is a phase that all new mums will get to, usually a few months after baby arrives, sometime around the point when we are starting to get a little more sleep (we hope!) and the days become a little less fuzzy; the time when normality looks like it may return. It may help if you have previously given a little thought to the following:
• My baby has/will change my life forever; how is that going to look and feel for me? For instance, how much time will you have purely for you (at the gym, seeing friends, spending time on hobbies)
• What part(s) of the old me do I want to retain, and what can I get rid of? This may seem harsh, but you may need to reassess your circle of friends; some just aren’t that “kiddie friendly” and there’s no point trying to spend time converting them.
• How do I want to change? Very often we assume that change is something that’s forced upon us, something that we have no control over. This is rarely the case; mostly we accept it, sometimes grudgingly. You can, however, choose to change; to be better at your job, more successful, fitter, more creative. This was particularly important to me when my son was born; I want him to be proud of his Mummy!
If you are pregnant, planning to be or have just given birth, the anticipation of a new baby can make the list above look indulgent and excessive, but at some point after the birth, you will need to take a long look in the mirror and decide who you really want to become. Being a good mother goes without saying, but making sure that “being you” does not become an occasional supporting role is important. Retaining your sense of self can be tricky, but not impossible.
Deborah Lee specialises in Personal Life Styling, which helps transform mediocre lives into something extraordinary.
For further information, call Deborah directly on 01344 761165 or visit www.deborahlee.co.uk
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